It’s really been four years, huh? Fascinating, and I can’t believe they’ve let me talk on the mic for this long. Admittedly, I have complicated feelings about being in this position for so long, but I’m trying to be grateful. I mean, last year was hard, and I barely talked to people, that would turn anyone negative. In retrospect, I wish I had done more episodes of Convos in the Office last year. I’m sure it would have made me happier.
But such is life: We regret and time goes on and then we feel better before the cycle continues in our new chapter, hoping the next few pages are at least somewhat meaningful.
With that, I’m happy to declare that this year of Convos has been profoundly meaningful, to myself and others. On a personal level, it was the first time I was hosting after undergoing two facial feminization surgeries, and I think it has changed my dynamics with others. It feels as though I’m an updated version of my former host persona, Sophia 2.0 (if you will). Funnily enough, I think post-recovery has made me more authentic during recordings, leading to a consistent sense of comfort from my guests.
Bless them honestly because I’ve had some really cool talks this year. We started the year off by having CHID & GWSS student Matthew Judd stop by to talk about journaling and its relation to ourselves in the episode, “Write Now: Journaling and Memory”. Really personal, really queer, I’m glad he was so open with me during our episode, that’s honestly all I ever want from an interaction.
Maybe it’s everyone’s desire to connect, but conversational intimacy kind of peaked this year. The following recording with student Gigi Gonzales—on “Art, Memory, and Reality in the Digital Age”—had us surfing through thoughts on nostalgia, music, creation, and loss in the attention economy. Probably the most unfocused interaction of the year, but that’s just how communication works sometimes. We shout into the void until something resonates and reminds us of a glorious moment.
I say that since the concept of memory was on everyone’s mind this year (re: episode titles). I’d argue my episodes with our CLIP fellows Sarah Nguyễn and Kunsang Choden serve as the thesis statements for the podcast this year. Kunsang’s episode on “Introspection through Journey-Making” felt like a breakdown of communication, why we share what we share, plus the feelings behind all actions and values. On the other side, Sarah and I’s on “Memory, Identity, and The Creative Unconscious” put these theories into practice; commonality tends to promote openness.
Or maybe we all have something in common and we just have to find it?
The next episode focused on “Fashion, Gender, and Expression,” with upcoming CHID graduate Andrew Tamayo. A deviation from our typical format: Andrew hopped on to ask me a bunch of questions since they thought I’d be a cool source for their thesis on fashion (those in the office know I have drip-on-drip for days). From my constant chatter, we grew to find a lot in common, particularly with our own gender journeys. And he’s a great interviewer, they should start a podcast, I’m sure it’ll get more listeners than this one.
Finally, we had the great Phillip Thurtle reprise his role as my co-host for one final episode, “We’ll Miss You, Phillip!” They’re retiring and I’m really happy for him but also I’m gonna miss him. We’ve had many wonderful chats over the years, and if it weren’t for them, this podcast would have never gotten off the ground. He’s taught me a lot, and will continue to teach me a lot more. And as I’m writing this, I’ve realized I haven’t mentioned what we talked about in the episode. Stuff? Yeah, let’s go with stuff, I’m sure they’ll find that funny when he reads this.
I anticipate at least that one more episode of Convos before the year ends. I’m sure it’ll be awesome, amazing, other marketing hyperboles that corporate likes. I don’t care about all that, I’ve stopped caring about words a long time ago. My only want is that the next person I share time with feels seen.
Sophia Choto, CHID’s Outreach Coordinator